In the past three days of the camp which God had allowed me to go, I have learnt invaluable lessons that cannot be taught through textbooks and worksheets. I am really grateful that I have been given this opportunity to lead the team Opal. I have learnt what a true leader is made of.
When Jeremy first met informed me of me being a leader, I thought, ‘Great! It is going to be a breeze.’ So I agreed. He called a meeting and I attended. We had a little discussion and we chose our partners. I ended up with Jessica being my partner. After choosing our members, we left.
The big day arrived and so we made our way to the campsite. After some ice-breaker games, we had some station games. Then we washed-up. Dinner followed and we had the evening sermon. After the sermon, Jeremy gathered the leaders and we had sharing. I saw the girls cry, but I was completely helpless in the face of their sadness. Then Glenda prayed something that really struck home. “Lord, thank you for breaking my foolish pride.” I realised that I was prideful in believing that I could lead the team easily. So I prayed for God’s assistance in that matter. The night went on smoothly. But since this is a reflection, I will not write an itinerary.
The second day went on fairly well. But at the sharing, I learnt something that shook me to the core. Glenda was my brother’s leader. So it meant that she would spend a lot of time together. At the sharing, she told us that Paul was always the one who would be the first to obey. He would encourage her and was very kind-hearted. But one thing you should know about my brother, Paul, is that he had no friends then. Glenda said it broke her heart to see him that way. I was stunned. For the eleven years that I have known Paul, I have never really sat down and pondered where my relationship with Paul was going. But now, it just took a person who spent two days with him to tell me that he was a sweet boy. I felt terrible and guilty. For all the years I have spent with him, I had always focused on his negative aspects and not his positive ones. I kept on wondering to myself what kind of brother I have been. On the first day of camp, when I witnessed every other leader cry, I thought I was unbreakable. But man, how wrong, I was! God shattered my pride and cold heart. Reforming it to the heart He wanted, the Lord filled my heart with His love and I was overcome with emotions. Guilt, shame and self-reproach racked me. I was brought to my knees. And for this, I thank the Lord for using Glenda to open my eyes and to let me see my brother the way God wants me to see him. And through my new Jesus-improved vision, I can see that my brother indeed, is a sweet boy.
Another thing I have learnt is what a true leader is made of. I am a scout since Primary 3. When I was in Primary 6, at the age of twelve, I daresay I was the top cadet in my unit, for I had 13 proficiency badges under my name and the most senior rank in primary school scout level. I attained the highest award a primary school scout could get. I was seen as a great leader in my unit. And so I formulated this equation: Ability+ Quality=A good leader. But after this camp, I have realised that all my awards and ranks and other junk I wear on my uniform matter absolutely nothing to God. For his equation of a good leader is this: Love+ Initiative+ God=A good leader. Love is the centre goal of a leader’s life and it is so not fame that should be driving a leader. I was taught this lesson after a very hard blow was landed on my ego.
Jessica was my partner in leading. I thought it would be a breeze, like how I led my scout cadets. But when the last night of sharing came, Jessica said something that changed my whole perspective on leading. She said that I was too playful and was leading the guys in my team astray. Ouch. That really hurt. All along, I thought I was the best leader anyone could find and suddenly, all my thoughts of glamour and glory go POOF, as if it was only a daydream. My ego was hurting like crazy. I was burning within, as if my heart was yelling out, “Who are you to tell me what kind of leader I am! I am the best of the best in my troop! Have you no respect for me?!” But then God touched my heart and made me realise that I possessed a pride that had brought many men to their dooms. And so I prayed for God’s assistance to help me lead my team in the way He wants me to lead. For we must always allow God’s will to be done, and not our own will, for our will is a pathetic little idea that brings us short-lived joy. We have to be willing to allow God to fill us with His Holy Spirit, for only then, can we be the one whom Jesus can use.
And so, I bring my reflection on this wonderful and enriching camp to a close. May others see the light of Christ shining within us. I would like to thank God for allowing Glenda and Jessica to change my vision. Now I see my brother so differently and I now perceive leadership not as an easy task, but a back-breaking burden in which we need the Lord to help us carry. I pray that we can be the ones God wants to use to carry the gospel light to the world. We are wielding a very powerful weapon against the enemy, and that is prayer. May we be constantly asking God to help us, for we are too weak to help ourselves. I wish you all a blessed half-year till 2010.
God bless and with love,
MARKanking (:
